Jean Seizure


Beautiful frog

Today, I spent my morning with my a cappella band The Apex Project for our first proper photo shoot. 

And then we went for some Hai Di Lao later in the evening and it was my first time having it. I drank a lot of soup and am currently experiencing the consequences of too much soup. 


I've always struggled with finding the right words. When I was in primary school I upset my form teacher a lot without really trying and we spent so much time together because she was convinced that I was a disobedient child. Well, yes, I wasn't the most obedient kid. And she made sure I remembered that by heart even when I wanted so much to be her definition of obedient. She would question me a lot in an unpleasant manner and nothing I said or did made anything better. Eventually, I gave up on explaining or justifying myself and just went straight to guessing what she'd like me to say instead. Until today I still don't really know if there was really something wrong with me back then because she would insist that I was lying even though I wasn't and I tried very hard to get myself back in her good books so she would leave me alone but she never did *pops confetti* Sometimes when people insist that you're wrong enough times you'd end up questioning yourself too.

I still do have problems with that; I recognise the repercussions of my experience when I do. But when I'm not reminded, I find it so ironic to not be able to express myself because I write songs and poetry and stuff; I would think it's not too hard??? But the greater irony thanks to this random resurfacing of a snippet of my childhood is the fact that I didn't start out being decent at any of these things. So yes, I am thankful for the contrast. 

And I'm sure if anyone feels discouraged, now's a good time to be reminded of the part before we even found the courage to take the first step towards where we are today.